Food Issues

Okay so this post doesn't have anything to do with what I cooked or I'm eating but more about my attitudes toward food. Over the weekend I reached a goal of losing, over the course of 6 months, 68lbs. Even though I still have about 35 more to go to reach a healthy goal, you'd think my mindset about food and weight has changed because I've done it pretty slowly but I learned a harsh lesson about myself today.

I studied my butt off for an exam last week and did way worse than I expected. It blew mind. Granted, he said that this class had the lowest average he's had in years and he doesn't quite know what to make of the exams except he's going to curve it (I don't know how much but anything is better than nothing). He's a great educator, so I'm not sure what happened either. My class let out at 12:45 and my tea, banana and V8 were done for, so when I got to my next class, I ate a normal lunch for me, which was 1 cup organic tomato soup with 1/3 c quinoa. Then I started to digest what exactly happened with my test and I became ravenous. I was starving and all I could think about was how to cram as much food as I could into my piehole when the next class ended. Then it hit me; I will always be a fat kid.

It was a shocker to realize that all the hard work that I've put into my body can go out the window with some stressful situations if I'm not aware of it before it happens. I thought that maybe one day I would think like a skinny person but life doesn't work that way for me. I will always have to be careful that I do not get obsessed with food. As a first inclination, I will always want to first use food to destress. Always. It's not even about the food but the feeling. It's the reason that I don't have snack food in my house. If I really listen to my body I'm not hungry enough to snack inbetween meals, so there is no reason to have it. Plus, if I do want to snack, my body will thank me for using carrots or something raw instead of something processed that contains too much salt. Overall the food I eat now isn't exactly bad but there are plenty of vegan options that will make you fat. Too much of any food, healthy or not, will make you fat. It was a scary realization but one that I'm glad I can be more aware of now so that when the semester gets more intense I can be more mindful of my choices.

So when I got out of class at 215 and went to Starbucks for my usual venti bold with a splash of soy milk instead of a bag of (insert fried junk here) and laid out some study guidelines so I rock my next exam =) I just need to remember to breath and think before I eat.